My Struggle

The strongest test I have faced in my commitment to a spiritual life has been worldliness. The ways of the world constantly assail my senses, they come at me from every direction and from every conceivable source. The media forces itself down our collective throats at every opportunity. Advertising on television endeavors to convince us that we need this car or that pair of shoes. They conspire to convince us that unless we own this cologne or that pair of jeans we can never be happy or complete. They even try and tell us what we must look like in order to be loved.

Worldliness is a trial and a test I face every day. Sometimes I am more successful than others in keeping its influences at bay. My commitment to simplicity is pushed almost constantly and despite my best efforts I find myself succumbing to the tantalizing temptations of the outside world. I oftentimes try and rationalize my weaknesses. I suggest to myself that it is just a book. I choose to believe that my craven desire for a new release is somehow morally superior to someone who succumbs to a new and improved consumer item.

I am able to return to my spiritual path again and again due partly to force of will and partly powerlessness. I exert my willpower at every opportunity and strive to resist the most blatant lures and snares that are laid out before me. When the force of my own will fails to provide the strength that I need I am put into a position to accept my own powerlessness and put my faith into a power that is greater than me. What temptations escape the exertion of my will are more often that not blunted by my faith, more often than not, but not always.

I am the obstacle that I face every day. I am the weakest link in the chain forged by my will. I am my own worst enemy. I see some things and I just want them. I admit I like the shiny and new. I love the slick and the cool. I desire, but not require, the latest and greatest. I know that modern society is filled with temptation. I just have to remind myself to by sharp enough not to snap at the bait.

Faith in me seems to be the best defense, and when faith in myself misses the mark, faith in the Lord my God generally makes up for my inadequacies.